Receptiveness: The First Virtue of Resilience
In the spirit of new year beginnings, what better subject to discus than that of our first virtue of RESILIENCE, the delightful quality of RECEPTIVITY. After all of the packages are opened and trees are down, we begin to think anew. Despite the cold of the season, we all seem to know that we have a new beginning to claim as the new year inspires us to get into gear for change.
Resilience: WHAT IS THIS NEBULOUS WORD?
Since this is the first introduction to PRESENCE as a category, I think it best to start with a refresher about the operational definition of presence I am working from in my thesis of great leadership. Resilience, as I see it is about the art of positive influence. A leader with great presence and resilience has an exemplary bearing that draws others to them and in effect, has an influence by way of inspiration. Resilience is about the ability to adapt in a positive way to one’s environment and thereby influence positive change. And who doesn’t want more of that if they are interested in actualizing their potential as a leader of some cause or effort, because after all, it is this resilience that will inspire others to join you in your mission!
One of the first questions I like to ask my clients in the intake process is “what is it about you that makes others want to follow you on your mission in your work?” I am almost always surprised that a large portion of my clients have not really put much thought into this question prior to our process, so this provokes some new thought and some great conversation. It definitely helps them begin to frame their thoughts about their role in a new way that opens the way to change. The “virtues” (commendable traits) of Presence are all about core beliefs and motives.
CORE BELIEFS & MOTIVES
When I begin to think about the virtues that we want to see in leaders who are actualizing themselves, the first thing I look for is Receptivity, the first virtue of Resilience. Receptivity is defined by openness to ideas, impressions, or suggestions from others.
It is also the most important virtue I must hold as a coach to be able to produce a collaborative relationship with my client, so it is the most important belief that I must hone in my own work if I am to truly actualize my potential as a coach and thought partner. Change happens in relationship and only in relationship where both parties are receptive to the other person’s legitimate point of view. As a coach, I am only privy to snippets of time in a client’s life, and they are by far the best expert on their own life by virtue of the larger share of time they have spent in it! So, as a coach, it is imperative that I keep the Virtue of Receptivity in mind and respect that my ideas must be filtered through the screen of value from my clients point of view. My thoughts are here for their consideration, not as an expertise that somehow sits above them and knows best about what will work for them in terms of specific application. That must come from them! Yes, I know the field of leadership development and human change better than most of my clients and am an expert in my trade and from which they can draw ideas, concepts, and tools, but I always want to remember that I am not an expert about what will work in their life as much as they are. Change emanates from both parties to a relationship if it is to operate in its most effective and healthy state. This is my philosophy as a coach and it is the philosophy that I hope to inspire my clients to reach for in their own way, but I remain receptive to learning more than I currently know and my clients are always opening my mind to new ways of thinking every day!
The Culprit to avoiding change is RESISTANCE
If coaching is about CHANGE and my client truly desires the changes they have stated, then we have a start to creating new possibilities. But that is not all that is required. The mutual receptivity in our relationship will be the lifeline to how the change will take place and whether it sticks in the long run. But only if the coachee believes that the relationship is based on trust and they feel understood for who they truly are in this moment of their life. This requires an absence of judgment and a focus on mutual receptivity that is the springboard for new potential. If the relationship is approached with a refreshing dose of mutual openness then, there is learning as you go and the processing enables the creation of novel opportunities. It is only when a client trusts our relationship, that they will be open to hear the most impactful challenges from me about what I am observing in them.
LEARNING FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
I have experienced this personally as I searched for a coach of my own. In the first two coaching experiences I had, it felt as though the coach had taken the position of “expert” hierarchically above me and for subtle reasons I could barely identify, I never opened up to them. The resistance I felt inside, never allowed the mutual trust that I felt was needed to enable me to share my innermost thoughts and feelings, so I also felt blocked about creating any new possibilities for myself in the relationship. This is not as much a reflection on the quality of coaching those two coaches offer, as it was an outcome of the relationship dynamic we mutually created between us at that time. There was something inside of me that was resisting the relationship. In such situations I have come to trust the nugget of truth that my instinct is telling me about the dynamic, without judging the person for it, because it is truly about our interactions, which I am a part of and created! At that point in time, I needed a different dynamic and it is about how we both entered the relationship. So, I trusted the inner wisdom of my knowing of myself at that point of time and moved on. Yet I believed in coaching and persisted in searching for the right coach for my personal work primarily because I believed that enlightened growth on my part demanded an egalitarian thought partner (from my own weird vantage point perhaps) who could help me unfold all of the creativity inside of me, waiting to spring forth. Then it happened…
My persistence paid off and I found just the right coach for me. Through my relationship with her I have explored and learned about what she knows about change, added it to my own toolkit and we have each added to the thinking of the other in enormous ways over the last three years. I see her influence on my thinking today as I write this particular blog entry. Her theories about change have been forever indelibly imprinted into my belief systems and has taught me to trust my inner knowing of myself as the guide for my life. Interestingly, her ideology of change includes the use of resistance to effect change and this is a fascinating school of thought to explore. (Bast, M. at www.outoftheboxcoaching.com) Her coaching approach lifts above the other two models for making change happen as illustrated by the following concepts from her website:
SOURCES OF INFLUENCE FOR CHANGE
In our business we say that people are always moving toward something (receptivity) or away from something (avoidance/resistance) when they change.
THE POWER-COERCIVE APPROACH is based on political, economic and or moral sanctions as sources of influence and is widespread in organizations but not particularly valued by change agents (OD executives).
THE EMPIRICAL-RATIONAL APPROACH which relies on knowledge as a source of influence and is valued somewhat more by change agents as we employ training and cognitive reframing (strategic repositioning) through communication in our organizations.
THE NORMATIVE-RE-EDUCATIVE APPROACH applies knowledge as a source for change, but enhances it by a SYSTEM OF MUTUAL INFLUENCE, much like I have discussed previously in this blog. The major objective of this mutual approach is about learning to learn where individuals on both sides of the relationship must develop their own capability to examine and reconstruct previously held premises and develop the skill to apply this approach in dealing with future similar problems.
A NEW BRAND OF THINKING IS REQUIRED for the Global Leadership of the Future
The third approach above requires leaders to question their dictates for compliance based on authority alone and to invest in healthy relationships that allow for mutual influence from all others. The new global environment will require this way of thinking as we interact more with people of different cultures and different age groups. Our youngest generation of leaders in their 20s and 30s are better at this and have grown up in the midst of connectivity, so they will demand it.
If you had to evaluate your own methods for influencing others, where could you improve based on this particular theory and is it something meaningful for your purposes? Will this be important if you plan to work and lead others in the next century and as your company grows in global reach?
To conclude the thoughts presented in this blog entry, I hope my ruminations have begun to illuminate our theory that RECEPTIVITY is a central factor enabling CHANGE through influence and a leader’s presence is about how they influence. Take a look at the three definitions above and assess where most of your energy goes as you attempt to accomplish your objectives. What is your ideal and how can you begin to operate with more commitment to mutual purpose and mutual influence in your relationships? Is it possible that your presence will begin to grow in exponential ways and your contributions to others will enhance their lives in new meaningful ways?
One of my favorite professors, Dr. Bob Patterson, recently made a profound statement and left us with a question to ponder in a liberal studies graduate class last week where we are studying about the problem of world hunger in undeveloped countries and more specifically, how to improve the situation through exploration of various methods. He said “Good questions, asked responsibly, are almost always superior to our conclusions. I wonder why we don’t know how to build bridges as well as we know how to dig canyons?”. I think perhaps he was leading us to an inference that it is our conclusions that make dig our heels into rigid thinking that is not receptive to learning. For myself, I know I am learning to ask more questions than I used to, but that does not mean I should never reach conclusions. The delightful truth that I enjoy because of my focus on receptivity is that my statements and conclusions are simply temporary and useful now in this point of time given what I know, but may need to change as I learn something new or encounter more experiences and people! Life is only re-written each day by the person who can be open to it. And I, for one, want my impact on others to build bridges, not dig canyons. Thank you Dr. P.
EXPANDING EXERCISE for RECEPTIVITY
The continuum for this virtue is to balance yourself in the middle so that you don’t go overboard and stay open at the expense of finding valuable conclusions for current application. This becomes a problem too. It looks like this:
Rigidity—————————————————Receptivity——————————————Wavering/Ineffectual
Underdeveloped Receptivity= Rigidity
Overdeveloped Receptivity= Wavering/Ineffectual
Keep balance in mind as you explore the following expanding exercise.
My challenge to my readers and to my clients in 2008 is to think about ways to cultivate the virtue of RECEPTIVITY by exploring your beliefs about change. Write your answers to the following questions in your journal and continue to develop your thoughts around this through expanding your knowledge in areas of life that are foreign to you.
- What am I most resisting? Is there a nugget of value in that particular sore spot that is exactly what I want to work on with my coach?
- If resistance to change exists within a relationship dynamic (systemic) how can you begin to identify the specific resistance each person is experiencing and communicate about it honestly so that barriers can begin to drop allowing for more creative potential in both parties to the relationship.
- How can I reach beyond, first, my self interest and second, my desire to win the approval of others, to find an inner wisdom beyond those two interests that can reach greater heights of possibility and creativity? In this place can I find truth and objectivity, grounded in receptivity? Take one example in your life and apply this theory to it in your journal to explore.
- In what ways am I focused on my self interest at the expense of another? In what ways am I focused on obtaining the specific approval of others or benefit of others without being mindful for what they receive in mutual return?
- Set a stretch goal for yourself for 2008 centering on being receptive.
Happy New Year to all in 2008!
Pam Boney, Executive and Leadership Coach
Copyright January 12, 2008
www.wegrowwisdom.com